Getting ready to go is not a new challenge for me, but I do find it particularly difficult when I'm leaving town because the ramifications of forgetting about something can be even more problematic if it will be days or weeks before I return.
All I have to do to activate an entire ONE MORE THING chain reaction is announce (or even think!) that I'm almost ready to leave. It works much like those annoying spring loaded dispensers you now find in grocery stores and pharmacies that automatically advance the remaining merchandise (yogurt, cold medicine, pantyhose...) as soon as you remove the item in the front. Similarly, as soon as I do the one last thing prompted by putting my hand on the doorknob to leave, another urgent "to do" will spring up in my face.
I've been thinking about how mindfulness might be of value in dealing with this uncomfortable tendency.
The more things I fail to do on time, the more I kick myself for not acting sooner. Meanwhile, the clutter continues to pile up, and the to do list gets longer and longer. It is important to take responsibility for our actions, but if berating ourselves for shortcomings was an effective motivator, I would have stopped procrastinating a long time ago. By the time the question, "WHY DO I ALWAYS DO THIS?" is echoing inside my head, it has ceased to be a genuine inquiry.
Maybe I should ask myself the same question without the caps lock and when I'm not so pressed for time. [Note: If there is never a moment when I'm not pressed for time, that's a clue.]
A key to mindfulness is non-judgment in present moment awareness. Self-judgment is far more paralyzing than enlightening. If I can avoid the quicksand of judgment, there's a better chance I can get to the bottom of things via open and honest inquiry into what is going on.
Mindfulness Meditation is also known as Insight Meditation. I used to wonder why. Having now spent some time in this practice, I understand that mindfulness often leads to insight.
One of the lessons of mindfulness for me is how often my habitual patterns turn out to be diversions--smoke screens that obscure something else I'm avoiding. What I'm doing may be justifiable at face value, but on another level it keeps me in a state of turmoil that provides an excuse not to tackle other important things.
When we inquire without judgment, there is no need to become defensive, and once we stop defending our misery, we can start to make new choices.
Surely, the first step in initiating positive change is seeing things for what they are. In fact, the acceptance of unembellished reality is a major change in itself. Once we step out of the drama, even briefly, we can make additional changes (or mindfully choose not to) based on how things truly are, rather than on the talking points we've developed for ourselves--the narratives we design to justify our stuckness.
What if we let it be okay to be stuck for a while? What if it's just as okay not to be stuck anymore? What if I choose to act from curiosity instead of anger? What if I let go of the need to minimize or exaggerate? What if I stop apologizing or justifying and simply accept the reality of my present experience, understanding that it need not determine my future, in spite of my past?
It seems to me that staying focused on the present (or returning to it when I inevitably stray) allows optimal energy to be applied to the matter at hand and to the very next appropriate action.
Put more simply: Obsessing over our mistakes doesn't provide protection from consequences or the judgments of others. It only keeps us from clearly assessing situations and implementing effective solutions. It channels power away from creative and productive realms and toward destructive ones.
A case could be made that writing a blog post about procrastination is just another example of dwelling on a problem rather than finding solutions. And if all I do is write about procrastination? Sure. I've stopped short of meaningful progress.
I submit, however, that dwelling with a problem--sitting down with it long enough to let the chaff fall away and discover its heart and complexity and nuance--is usually better than a knee-jerk reaction. Understanding a problem is an essential first step that we foolishly try to skip. We can't--and shouldn't--ponder a problem indefinitely or understand everything there is to know before taking action, but most of us could use a little more thoughtful dwelling, and a lot less mindless reaction.
Reactions aren't typically even about solutions; they are about avoidance. We can't escape what is, but we sure try. Pain. Grief. Shame. Fear. We do whatever we can to numb those emotions, distract ourselves from them, or run away from them entirely. It doesn't work, though. More often than not, it just adds another layer of muck to be dealt with.
This has become a pretty heavy post for such a seemingly light topic, hasn't it?
Here's the thing: Sometimes not wanting to vacuum is just about not wanting to vacuum; other times it's about more than that. If you frequently find yourself putting off things that need to be done, the best way I know to find out which it is, is to sit with it.
Sit there and BE with not wanting to _____________ .
Dwell with it. Listen deeply. Find out what's going on.
You can fill in the blank above with anything from vacuuming to turning off the television to calling your mom to finding a new job to ending a dysfunctional relationship to going to AA or Al-Anon.
If you don't have much practice with mindfulness, it's nice when you can begin with the easy stuff, then start to apply that gained experience to the harder stuff. So, if you aren't in crisis? By all means, start by considering why you don't want to vacuum. Become aware of your feelings about it. But don't be surprised if, when you reach down into the "easy" stuff, you discover other stuff inside.
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