Mindful Monday - Noticing Beauty

I've mentioned my gratitude practice of writing five things that I'm thankful for in a journal each night. It's a simple thing to do, but over time the resulting shift in mindset has been profound. It's a way to train myself to watch for good things.

Too often we fall into the habit of doing just the opposite. It's understandable, really. We watch for what's wrong so we can fix or avoid it (or--let's face it--complain about it). There's value in doing some of that. Parents teach children to watch where they are going so they don't step into holes or walk into walls or get run over by trucks.

I'm not taking issue with watching out for dangerous stuff. It's just that, somewhere along the line, in constantly being alert to the things that might cause trouble or need attention, we push what is good and waiting to be enjoyed further and further into the background. If we aren't careful, we can lose touch with it entirely.

Mark Twain once said, "To the man with a hammer, everything looks like a nail."  We have become a society of hammer-holders, watching for things to whack.

But here's the hopeful part...

Now that fancy cell phones have become standard equipment, most of us also walk around with cameras. Of course, you can take pictures of anything with a camera, but we especially enjoy taking photos of people and things we love. And digital photography makes it easy to take and share many more of these beautiful pictures than would have been practical with film.

The fastest growing social media sites now are the ones like Instagram and Pinterest, which emphasize beautiful photos and other visuals. Twitter has recently done a major overhaul that puts far more emphasis on photos than "tweets" alone. On Facebook, engagement goes WAY up when you post a photo with your commentary, while articles without thumbnails are ignored. The same is true for blog posts. No one wants to read a blog without pictures.

There's no question that our society is becoming more visually oriented (a real challenge for the visually impaired). Wouldn't it be nice if we could become more beauty oriented, while we are at it? How might the cameras, personal recorders, and music players we carry around in our cell phones facilitate such a shift?

If listing gratitudes every night doesn't appeal to you, but paying attention to the beauty that surrounds you does, consider using that device to help you document goodness of various kinds. Snap a photo of at least one thing you like each day, no matter how small, and post it to Instagram. Or record beautiful sounds you hear. You could also use a voice recorder (or pen and paper!) to describe things that feel, smell, or taste wonderful--fresh rain, soft grass, warm sun, sweet peaches--as you experience them. 

The possibilities are endless, but the point is to find ways to be mindful of what is already good in your life, and focus more of your energy there.

I'd love to hear other ways you have found to do this. Maybe gardening, cooking, painting, or reading poetry? If you have an Instagram and/or Pinterest account you'd like to share, please include it in the comments below. (I'm lroseen on Instagram and Lenora Roseen on Pinterest.)

One way or another, let's pay attention to the beauty in our lives. 

Mindful Monday - Procrastination

Ironically, this is a blog post I intended to write last Monday, until things got a little crazy. I almost called it, "One More Thing X 1000," inspired by my all-too-predictable difficulty getting out the door in a reasonable amount of time when heading from Asheville, NC back to Atlanta, GA.

Getting ready to go is not a new challenge for me, but I do find it particularly difficult when I'm leaving town because the ramifications of forgetting about something can be even more problematic if it will be days or weeks before I return.

All I have to do to activate an entire ONE MORE THING chain reaction is announce (or even think!) that I'm almost ready to leave. It works much like those annoying spring loaded dispensers you now find in grocery stores and pharmacies that automatically advance the remaining merchandise (yogurt, cold medicine, pantyhose...) as soon as you remove the item in the front. Similarly, as soon as I do the one last thing prompted by putting my hand on the doorknob to leave, another urgent "to do" will spring up in my face.

I've been thinking about how mindfulness might be of value in dealing with this uncomfortable tendency.

The more things I fail to do on time, the more I kick myself for not acting sooner. Meanwhile, the clutter continues to pile up, and the to do list gets longer and longer. It is important to take responsibility for our actions, but if berating ourselves for shortcomings was an effective motivator, I would have stopped procrastinating a long time ago. By the time the question, "WHY DO I ALWAYS DO THIS?" is echoing inside my head, it has ceased to be a genuine inquiry.

Maybe I should ask myself the same question without the caps lock and when I'm not so pressed for time. [Note: If there is never a moment when I'm not pressed for time, that's a clue.]

A key to mindfulness is non-judgment in present moment awareness. Self-judgment is far more paralyzing than enlightening. If I can avoid the quicksand of judgment, there's a better chance I can get to the bottom of things via open and honest inquiry into what is going on.

Mindfulness Meditation is also known as Insight Meditation. I used to wonder why. Having now spent some time in this practice, I understand that mindfulness often leads to insight.

One of the lessons of mindfulness for me is how often my habitual patterns turn out to be diversions--smoke screens that obscure something else I'm avoiding. What I'm doing may be justifiable at face value, but on another level it keeps me in a state of turmoil that provides an excuse not to tackle other important things.

When we inquire without judgment, there is no need to become defensive, and once we stop defending our misery, we can start to make new choices.

Surely, the first step in initiating positive change is seeing things for what they are. In fact, the acceptance of unembellished reality is a major change in itself. Once we step out of the drama, even briefly, we can make additional changes (or mindfully choose not to) based on how things truly are, rather than on the talking points we've developed for ourselves--the narratives we design to justify our stuckness.

What if we let it be okay to be stuck for a while? What if it's just as okay not to be stuck anymore? What if I choose to act from curiosity instead of anger? What if I let go of the need to minimize or exaggerate? What if I stop apologizing or justifying and simply accept the reality of my present experience, understanding that it need not determine my future, in spite of my past?

It seems to me that staying focused on the present (or returning to it when I inevitably stray) allows optimal energy to be applied to the matter at hand and to the very next appropriate action.

Put more simply: Obsessing over our mistakes doesn't provide protection from consequences or the judgments of others. It only keeps us from clearly assessing situations and implementing effective solutions. It channels power away from creative and productive realms and toward destructive ones.

A case could be made that writing a blog post about procrastination is just another example of dwelling on a problem rather than finding solutions. And if all I do is write about procrastination? Sure. I've stopped short of meaningful progress.

I submit, however, that dwelling with a problem--sitting down with it long enough to let the chaff fall away and discover its heart and complexity and nuance--is usually better than a knee-jerk reaction. Understanding a problem is an essential first step that we foolishly try to skip. We can't--and shouldn't--ponder a problem indefinitely or understand everything there is to know before taking action, but most of us could use a little more thoughtful dwelling, and a lot less mindless reaction.

Reactions aren't typically even about solutions; they are about avoidance. We can't escape what is, but we sure try. Pain. Grief. Shame. Fear. We do whatever we can to numb those emotions, distract ourselves from them, or run away from them entirely. It doesn't work, though. More often than not, it just adds another layer of muck to be dealt with.

This has become a pretty heavy post for such a seemingly light topic, hasn't it?

Here's the thing: Sometimes not wanting to vacuum is just about not wanting to vacuum; other times it's about more than that. If you frequently find yourself putting off things that need to be done, the best way I know to find out which it is, is to sit with it.

Sit there and BE with not wanting to _____________ .
Dwell with it. Listen deeply. Find out what's going on.

You can fill in the blank above with anything from vacuuming to turning off the television to calling your mom to finding a new job to ending a dysfunctional relationship to going to AA or Al-Anon.

If you don't have much practice with mindfulness, it's nice when you can begin with the easy stuff, then start to apply that gained experience to the harder stuff. So, if you aren't in crisis? By all means, start by considering why you don't want to vacuum. Become aware of your feelings about it. But don't be surprised if, when you reach down into the "easy" stuff, you discover other stuff inside.

Mindful Monday - Refreshment

This morning, the idea came to me of mindfulness as a sort of real life auto-refresh. Admittedly, it's not the most elegant of metaphors, but I think it kinda works. If I sit at my computer and check email when the page has not been refreshed recently, I won't be acting on the best information available, so I may devote unnecessary energy to a problem which has already been resolved or miss something more important that just happened.

Now that my computer (another metaphor...) is older and the memory is often over-taxed, clicking the refresh icon isn't always enough. Sometimes, I have to restart in order to get things moving again.

I'm not saying we should be afraid to walk away from our computers or cell phones for fear we will miss something; I'm suggesting there is considerable value in finding ways to tune in to what is happening in the here-and-now and that if we want to function well, we need to refresh ourselves regularly and restart occasionally.

Last January, I set some intentions for 2014 and decided to use this blog as a weekly check-in, to track progress on my goals. My central focus for the year was (and is) mindfulness, so many of my resolutions had a mindfulness component, such as a daily meditation practice and more mindful eating and moving. My list was fairly long, and I soon discovered that I couldn't consistently tackle everything at the same time.

Now half a year beyond those winter resolutions, some still resonate while others have faded in value to me. I could double down on my original list, or I could refresh the screen and consider whether a shift in some of my January priorities may, in fact, be perfectly appropriate by June.

A subtle but important lesson which mindfulness is teaching me is that, while goals still have their place because many worthwhile endeavors take considerable time to accomplish, it's unwise to hold those goals too tightly. We learn new things. The landscape changes. Priorities shift.

If God (or any wise and trusted source) gives us clear guidance on January 1 to head down a particular path and we become so excited that we immediately vow to spend the rest of our lives plowing ahead on that course to the exclusion of all else, is that the best approach? What if we instead set out on that same path, but in a more mindful way, continuing to listen for guidance while noticing what happens as we go along and pausing for refreshment from time to time? The answer seems obvious when you spell it out that way, but not when we are immersed in all too common self-defeating habits.

I like the word refreshment and the images evoked by it: splashing in a crystal clear pool or enjoying a cool drink of clean water... perhaps a long satisfying nap or walk in nature. Even something as simple as a smile or beautiful photograph can be refreshing. I have come to regard journaling, meditation practice, devotional time, and gratitude as essential forms of refreshment for me.

Taking these steps is more than just a matter of comfort or wanting to feel pampered. When we are overdue for refreshment, we become difficult to deal with and no longer think clearly. Communication is labored; exchanges become gridlocked. Rather than opening to new possibilities, we dig in, categorically refusing to reconsider our positions in any way. We operate from fear, resentment, obligation, and judgment. It's not a healthy place to be, but sadly this posture has become commonplace, as any political or religious discourse in the public square will quickly confirm.

I'm happy to report that this past weekend was quite refreshing for me. I had some wonderful meals and got to watch fireworks with someone I love. I also spent time gazing at the mountains and did a little more meditating than usual. None of these activities made my to do list any shorter or eliminated my concerns about the future, but all have helped to renew my strength and re-align my thinking while reminding me what truly matters most in my life.

How do you refresh or completely start over when you need to? Do you have a mental list to consult of effective ways to consciously do so? Ideally, the time to formulate such a list is well before we are desperate for it. I invite your comments below.