Mindful Monday - Delight

   

It's interesting to go from the eastern Caribbean to Atlanta, GA to Asheville, NC in the span of a week. It's almost like stepping backward through the seasons of spring and summer. St. Thomas feels like perpetual summer to me, no matter what time of year it may actually be. When we returned to Atlanta, the dogwoods were already beginning to fade, and the white azaleas in our front yard, which were about to burst forth when we left for vacation, had already started turning brown by the time we returned. Then we drove up to Asheville, where the dogwoods and azaleas were just getting started and the tulips were full tilt, and got to experience the part of spring we had missed!

So much can happen in a week--or even a couple of days. Friday, I went to the North Carolina Arboretum and was captivated by a row of white virburnum in full bloom, covered in happy yellow swallowtail butterflies. Sunday, I rushed back to the same spot, only to discover that there were almost no blossoms left and not a butterfly in sight.

You can wait all year, like a child longing for Christmas, and almost before you know it, it's time to put the decorations away. My experience of growing up was also like that: I could hardly wait to be "old enough," which lasted maybe 5 minutes before I crossed over into "too old."

All these things are reminders of the importance of paying attention. The present moment is the only one we can know for sure that we have in this life, yet it's easy to miss it by constantly dwelling on the past or worrying about the future. Surely, there is a time for reminiscing and a time for planning, but both are best done consciously.

I've been walking outside more and making an effort to pay attention to nature and the wonder of creation. As a result, I notice myself experiencing delight more often than I used to. I'm excited by the scent of newly-mown grass or wide-eyed at a glimpse of a beautiful flower that wasn't there yesterday. Delight is a delicate enough emotion that if you aren't tuned in you can miss it. But there are many opportunities to experience delight when you watch for them.

What delights you? Watching your child or grandchild? A cool drink on a hot day? Hummingbirds? The sound of laughter? Warm rain on your skin? A playful puppy?  (Cue My Favorite Things...)  Just as an experiment, watch for opportunities to be delighted this week. You may, indeed, be delighted with the results.   

Mindful Monday - A Welcome Break

How was your week? Make that two weeks. I decided to take a little break from cell phones, computers, and social media during Holy Week and didn't post a check-in last Monday. Bill and I went on a cruise in celebration of our 20th wedding anniversary, so the timing seemed right for a media fast. I meant to post my plans before Palm Sunday, but ran out of time.

We had a wonderful trip and much nicer weather than they had back home. I did my meditation each night to the sound of the ocean. During my many years as a church musician, a get-away in the week leading up to Easter would have been as out-of-the-question as a Christmas vacation, but our lives have taken some unexpected turns in recent years, offering new opportunities. This particular turn was a very happy one.

As many beautiful man-made sanctuaries as I've been priviliged to worship in, none surpasses the seaside at sunrise or sunset. And I have to say that my days of coordinating elaborate worship services and attention to the details that facilitate worship for others were not necessarily the days I felt closest to God. It was quite a gift to be able to pray and meditate during this particular holy season in a far less structured yet more intimate way than I have in some years.

St. Thomas (U.S. Virgin Islands)

How fortunate that our 20th wedding anniversary happened to fall when it did or we would never have scheduled a Holy Week Caribbean cruise. We had planned a cruise to Alaska last summer, but it was scheduled for what would turn out to be the week of my mother's funeral. We had travel insurance, which allowed us to re-schedule a different cruise when we were ready, and I'm grateful that dad was doing well enough that we were able to go this time. It proved to be one of the best vacations we've ever taken.

I did try to eat mindfully on the ship, but not at all sparingly. I made the conscious decision to splurge and to savor each bite. After driving back from Ft. Lauderdale yesterday, I wanted to mark my transition to healthier eating again, so I actually cleaned out our fridge and pantry today.  While I was at it, I cleaned out the medicine cabinet, too, as I noticed while packing for our trip that we had quite a few expired meds which needed to be tossed. So today was a good day for clutter clearing as well as mindful eating! Tomorrow, I'll stock up on fresh produce and other healthy foods.

I got in a nice long walk today and plan to add additional exercise to my routine starting tomorrow. I managed to do a fair amount of walking on the trip, as well, but Sunday we spent 11 hours in the car, so it felt good to be able to move more today, and the weather was ideal.

There are times that lend themselves to fresh starts. Spring is a good season for beginning again and new growth. Easter adds themes of resurrection, redemption, and rebirth. A 20-year wedding anniversary is obviously a milestone, as well.

And so, we begin again, even as we honor the path that brought us this far and anticipate the continuation of our journey ahead. I still do plenty of mindless things--like overpacking. But I feel more attentive than I did 4 months ago or 4 years ago. I think I'm also just a little stronger and perhaps slightly better equipped for the ups and downs that are sure to come. Learning to ride life's waves takes some practice. Paying attention also helps, so I intend to keep working on that.

Mindful Monday - Excuses, Excuses

Last Monday, I completely forgot to do my check-in. I'll try to keep this one short-and-sweet, since I wrote a rather long post yesterday, mostly about how things are going with meditation.
 
Clutter clearing is progressing more slowly than I had hoped, but the arrival of spring seems to be helping. There really is something to the idea of spring cleaning. I have also walked more since the arrival of warm weather, but my eating has gotten completely out of hand and is not likely to get better until after Easter. 

We'll celebrate our 20th wedding anniversary in the middle of Holy Week, and I'll be splurging for sure, but I do think we can ask the Easter Bunny not to make a stop at our house this year. If I don't have a handle on my eating and activity balance by the end of April, I plan to return to Weight Watchers in May (after my birthday on the 3rd, of course).  So, I'm pretty much one big bundle of excuses--and not even very good ones.

I was distressed to discover that most of my spring/summer clothes were too small. I had to do a bit of emergency thrift store shopping, since a brand new larger wardrobe wasn't in the budget. (Besides, I don't want to stay this size.) But having been fairly successful in my quest, my new attitude is that I might as well get some use out of my thrift store purchases.

My Lenten practice this year has been to spend time with nature each day, and I've found that to be meaningful, although in light of my weight gain it has occurred to me that my old standby of giving up sweets might have been more practical. Then again, practicality is not really the point of a Lenten practice.
 
I am reading more and writing a little, but I still start far more things than I finish. I feel optimistic about spring, though. I've been sleeping better and feeling more energetic and motivated, recently. And, as I said yesterday, the resolution I've been the most consistent about since the beginning of the year has been my daily meditation practice. I do feel good about that.

How about you? How is your spring shaping up?

Pleasant Surprises

About three months ago, I decided that Mindfulness would be my word for 2014, and I made a number of resolutions that I've worked at since then, with varying degrees of success. 

I also decided to use this blog as a place to check in each Monday about my progress toward personal goals and report on how things are going, in general. I've invited others to share in those periodic updates and am delighted that some of you have. I call these weekly check-ins, Mindful Mondays. (The invitation remains open, by the way, and I hope others will continue to join in!)

The resolution I've been most consistent about since January 1st is a daily mindfulness meditation practice. I resolved to meditate for at least 5 minutes a day. Most days, I now sit for at least 20 minutes once a day, and occasionally I add an additional session of a different form of meditation in another part of the day. 

I have to admit that, although meditation is a spiritual practice for me, my decision to re-establish this particular practice was as much a practical one as anything else. I noticed increasing mindlessness on my part and grew tired of misplacing my cell phone or my keys all the time while often feeling scattered and overwhelmed.

IRONY ALERT: Last Monday, I completely forgot to even write my mindfulness check-in. I remembered on Tuesday but was too busy to write. By Wednesday, I wasn't sure whether to attempt a catch up post or just skip it and move on. So much for Mindful Mondays. 

I still lose my cell phone, too. And last night, I loaded the dishwasher, then forgot to run it before I went to bed. Don't even get me started on twist-ties...

My mindfulness practice hasn't done all of the things I had hoped it might, but it does seem to be doing something more important. I may not know where my phone is, but I am pausing to notice the texture of clouds and the color of the sky. I am aware of the gentle breeze on my shoulders on first day spring day outside in a sleeveless shirt. I am more able to be present with my father, who struggles with many health issues and other aspects of aging. 

Perhaps most important of all, I believe that, as a result of daily meditation practice, I am better equipped to right myself when I am thrown off balance by life. This is no small gift.

One of the tenets of contemplative practice is that when you recognize that your mind has wandered to random thoughts (which it WILL, over and over and over again...) you gently and without judgment guide it back to the breath, or whatever point of focus you have chosen. This exercise can quickly feel pointless and even hopeless, so for me there is an element of faith in just doing it anyway, no matter how "unsuccessful" you feel.

Dr. Jon Kabat-Zinn says that it doesn't matter so much what happens when you sit [in meditation], so much as that you sit... and keep sitting the next day and the next and the next. He suggests that a key to the practice is to come to the mat with no expectations--a prospect I admit that I find nearly impossible. Surely, most of us don't continue to do things on a daily basis without some expectation of benefit?

Of course, Dr. Kabat-Zinn never suggested that mindfulness has no benefits. He would not have devoted his life to the teaching of mindfulness if he didn't know it has great value. Rather, he suggests that imposing very specific expectations on the practice up front tends to limit our experience of it.

We mostly see what we are looking for. There's a famous experiment in which subjects are shown a video of people playing basketball and asked to count the number of times the team in white shirts passes the ball. Afterward, the viewers are asked about something else entirely from the film, and half never even noticed it. They were so focused on how many times the ball changed hands that they missed practically everything else that happened. (I'm being vague to avoid spoilers, in case you haven't seen the video.)

Something similar can happen with meditation. If you are meditating for a specific purpose, you may not notice when other positive things begin to occur as a result of your practice, especially if they are subtle or gradual. But, like water on rock, even subtle shifts can add up to big changes, over time. So it is helpful to approach meditation with a sense of openness and curiosity rather than heavy expectations. 

To use some of the language of my own faith tradition, sometimes the Holy Spirit offers us what we need rather than what we want. I wanted to stop losing things, but I needed to be fed by the wonder of creation. I wanted to be more focused, but I needed to become more aware and alert. I want things to happen by my schedule and within my fairly narrow comfort zone, but that's not how human beings learn and grow.

There's a big picture view that most of us simply can't see from our limited vantage point. Meditation doesn't grant magical access to that big picture, but somehow it keeps me mindful that a far broader and higher perspective exists. It also allows me to dance with possibilities that I might not have noticed before.

looking out from our recent hike on Stone Mountain

I'd still like to keep track of the twist tie after I open the bread, but if I have to choose between that elusive little piece of wire and being more present for my dad in his twilight years, that's a pretty easy choice. Right now, meditation is helping me gain perspective on my priorities. When my attention is diverted from them, as it inevitably is, it helps me redirect my focus. What a pleasant surprise from sitting still for a few minutes each day.

I highly recommend it.